Hello week 9!

I am trying to get excited, I really am. But the thrill of training has really decreased. I don't really know what has changed. This last past week a less miles, by design, I imagine. And I always think it will give me a boost heading into the following week, I mean Friday was 2 miles...2 miles. I just kinda want to sleep. Ugh. I gotta shake this off because Sunday I have 10 miles scheduled.

10.Mile. Run.

I am needless to say...nervous. And I kinda wonder as (I'm typing) I'm already psyching myself out about it. I'm getting more and more into my progression of running and I think I'm getting scared of reaching my goals. I've don't know if I've ever, in my life, set such a hefty goal. I'm also terrified of failing. Which is a reason I don't do a lot of new things. The sheer thought of me not being good/failing at it makes me just say "no."

When I was little I was told I would amount to anything. Everyone in my family, including my mom, made it known that my sister would be doing BIG things with her life. And I would be, well...me. I would not be someone special. And (see previous post : 5 categories) I was called weird. I was supposedly weird to my family because I liked animals and no one else really took an interests (besides my aunt). I had horses, no one else did. When I was 12 years old I became a vegetarian because I wanted this horse who was lame and was going to the meat market. It made me sick.

I stayed vegetarian until I was 26. (That's a 14 year stance!) I only started reintroducing meat into be diet because I wasn't getting the proper nutrition I needed. And it was when my head aches where at an all time high which later I found out was because I was eating crap..all the time.

So back to my original thought. I wonder now if I am mentally beating myself up, mentally sabotaging my progress and hard work because I don't have a confidence I can complete my goal.

Well I see things a little more clearly. I need to get myself right, get more confidence and show myself, and myself only that I can do this. I have amounted to a pretty great women. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful baby girl ( who thinks I'm pretty great), a career, a home, a car, pets. I am a caring and understanding person. And I am a runner. A runner who has a big goal waiting for me in less than 3 months. I will not disappoint myself.

Wow! Thanks for letting me air that out. I honestly feel much better and as if I cracked the case. :) Back to running.

This mornings 4 mile run was gorgeous as seen here:

And here:

I will be more positive. I know I can do this. My running mantra is " I believe, I believe, I believe I can." 

Happy Monday!